quotes.txt

"'Intel Inside' is a Government Warning required by Law." - Unknown
"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live." - Martin Golding
"All computers wait at the same speed." - Unknown
"A misplaced decimal point will always end up where it will do the greatest damage." - Unknown
"A good programmer looks both ways before crossing a one-way street." - Unknown
"A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do." - Unknown
"Common sense gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet." - Arthur Godfrey
"Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting. Chuck Norris goes killing." - Unknown
"Chuck Norris counted to infinity... twice." - Unknown
"C is quirky, flawed, and an enormous success." - Unknown
"Beta is Latin for still doesn’t work." - Unknown
"ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI!" - Unknown
"Artificial Intelligence usually beats natural stupidity." - Unknown
"Any fool can use a computer. Many do." - Ted Nelson
"Hey! It compiles! Ship it!" - Unknown
"Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." - Martin Luther King Junior
"Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills people." - Unknown
"God is real, unless declared integer." - Unknown
"First, solve the problem. Then, write the code." - John Johnson
"Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." - Oscar Wilde
"Every piece of software written today is likely going to infringe on someone else’s patent." - Miguel de Icaza
"Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes." - Unknown
"Computers do not solve problems, they execute solutions." - Unknown
"I have NOT lost my mind—I have it backed up on tape somewhere." - Unknown
"If brute force doesn’t solve your problems, then you aren’t using enough." -Unknown
"It works on my machine." - Unknown
"Java is, in many ways, C++??." - Unknown
"Keyboard not found...Press any key to continue." - Unknown
"Life would be so much easier if we only had the source code." - Unknown
"Mac users swear by their Mac, PC users swear at their PC." - Unknown
"Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. 'No' is the answer." - Unknown
"MS-DOS isn’t dead, it just smells that way." - Unknown
"Only half of programming is coding. The other 90% is debugging." - Unknown
"Pasting code from the Internet into production code is like chewing gum found in the street." - Unknown
"Press any key to continue or any other key to quit." - Unknown
"Profanity is the one language all programmers know best." - Unknown
"The best thing about a boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit." - Unknown
"The nice thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from." - Unknown
"There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t." - Unknown
"There is no place like 127.0.0.1" - Unknown
"There is nothing quite so permanent as a quick fix." - Unknown
"There’s no test like production." - Unknown
"To err is human, but for a real disaster you need a computer." - Unknown
"Ubuntu is an ancient African word, meaning 'can’t configure Debian'" - Unknown
"UNIX is the answer, but only if you phrase the question very carefully." - Unknown
"Usenet is a Mobius strand of spaghetti." - Unknown
"Weeks of coding can save you hours of planning." - Unknown
"When your computer starts falling apart, stop hitting it with a Hammer!" - Unknown
"Who is General Failure? And why is he reading my disk?" - Unknown
"You can stand on the shoulders of giants OR a big enough pile of dwarfs, works either way." - Unknown
"You start coding. I’ll go find out what they want." - Unknown
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." - Douglas Adams
"I think we agree, the past is over." - George W. Bush
"In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different." - Coco Chanel
"In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes." - Andy Warhol
"In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost
"It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes." - Douglas Adams
"It’s kind of fun to do the impossible." - Walt Disney
"Java is to JavaScript what Car is to Carpet." - Chris Heilmann
"Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers." - Voltaire
"Just don’t create a file called -rf." - Larry Wall
"Knowledge is power." - Francis Bacon
"Let’s call it an accidental feature." - Larry Wall
"Linux is only free if your time has no value." - Jamie Zawinski
"Measuring programming progress by lines of code is like measuring aircraft building progress by weight." - Bill Gates
"Never trust a computer you can’t throw out a window." - Steve Wozniak
"Nobody expects the Spanish inquisition." - Monty Python
"On the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog." - Peter Steiner
"One man’s constant is another man’s variable." - Alan J. Perlis
"Perl - The only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption." - Keith Bostic
"PHP – Yeah, you know me." - PHPaughty by PHPature
"The future is here. It is just not evenly distributed yet." - William Gibson
"The greatest performance improvement of all is when a system goes from not-working to working." - John Ousterhout
"Software is like sex: It’s better when it’s free." - Linus Torvalds
"Sour, sweet, bitter, pungent, all must be tasted." - Chinese Proverb
"Stay hungry, stay foolish." - Whole Earth Catalog
"The artist belongs to his work, not the work to the artist." - Novalis
"The only 'intuitive' interface is the nipple. After that it’s all learned." - Bruce Ediger
"The only completely consistent people are the dead." - Aldous Huxley
"The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back." - Unknown Author
"The three great virtues of a programmer: laziness, impatience, and hubris." - Larry Wall
"Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so." - Douglas Adams
"When debugging, novices insert corrective code; experts remove defective code." - Richard Pattis
"When in doubt, leave it out." - Joshua Bloch
"Walking on water and developing software from a specification are easy if both are frozen." - Edward V Berard
"We cannot learn without pain." - Aristotle
"We have always been shameless about stealing great ideas." - Steve Jobs
"You can kill a man but you can’t kill an idea." - Medgar Evers
"You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public." - Scott Adams
"You must have chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star." - Friedrich Nietzsche
"Without requirements or design, programming is the art of adding bugs to an empty 'text' file." - Louis Srygley
"Sometimes it pays to stay in bed on Monday, rather than spending the rest of the week debugging Monday’s code." - Dan Salomon
"You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take." - Wayne Gretzky
"One of the biggest problems that software developers face is that technology changes rapidly. It is very hard to stay current." - Vivek Wadhwa
"Ideas want to be ugly." - Jason Santa Maria
"Developer: an organism that turns coffee into code." - Unknown
"One man´s crappy software is another man´s full time job." - Jessica Gaston
"It´s okay to figure out murder mysteries, but you shouldn´t need to figure out code. You should be able to read it." - Steve McConnell
"Programming languages, like pizzas, come in only two sizes: too big and too small." - Richard Pattis
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning." - Rich Cook
"Plan to throw one (implementation) away; you will, anyhow." - Fred Brooks
"Every good work of software starts by scratching a developer´s personal itch" - Unknown
"Perfection (in design) is achieved not when there is nothing more to add, but rather when there is nothing more to take away." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"Prolific programmers contribute to certain disaster." - Niklaus Wirth
"Programming can be fun, so can cryptography; however they should not be combined." - Kreitzberg and Shneiderman
"It´s better to wait for a productive programmer to become available than it is to wait for the first available programmer to become productive." - Steve McConnell
"An organization that treats its programmers as morons will soon have programmers that are willing and able to act like morons only." - Bjarne Stroustrup
"Real programmers can write assembly code in any language." - Larry Wall
"The key to performance is elegance, not battalions of special cases." - Jon Bentley, Doug McIlroy
"Inside every large program, there is a program trying to get out." - C.A.R. Hoare
"Why do we never have time to do it right, but always have time to do it over?" - Unknown
"The goal of Computer Science is to build something that will last at least until we´ve finished building it." - Unknown
"A good way to stay flexible is to write less code." - Pragmatic Programmer
"The best performance improvement is the transition from the nonworking state to the working state." - John Ousterhout
"No matter what the problem is, it´s always a people problem." - Gerald M. Weinberg
"Every big computing disaster has come from taking too many ideas and putting them in one place." - Gordon Bell
"Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later!" - Fred Brooks
"The best way to get a project done faster is to start sooner" - Jim Highsmith
"Even the best planning is not so omniscient as to get it right the first time." - Fred Brooks
"All you need is love. But a new pair of shoes never hurt anybody." - Unknown
"The best revenge is massive success." - Frank Sinatra
"Reality itself is too obvious to be true." - Jean Baudrillard
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken." - Oscar Wilde
"Let me just change this one line of code…" - Unknown
"Fast, Good, Cheap. Pick two." - Unknown
"Did you know? The collective noun for a group of programmers is a merge-conflict." - Unknown
"If there is no struggle, there is no progress." - Frederick Douglass
"You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else." - Albert Einstein
"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning." - Albert Einstein
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." - Albert Einstein
"A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new." - Albert Einstein
"Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere." - Albert Einstein
"When the solution is simple, God is answering." - Albert Einstein
"If you can´t explain it simply, you don´t understand it well enough." - Albert Einstein
"If the facts don´t fit the theory, change the facts." - Albert Einstein
"It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education." - Albert Einstein
"I only believe in statistics that I doctored myself." - Winston S. Churchill?
"Men and nations behave wisely when they have exhausted all other resources." - Abba Eban
"If you´re going through hell, keep going." - Unknown
"Success is not forever and failure isn´t fatal." - Don Shula
"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." - Mark Twain
"The secret of getting ahead is getting started." - Mark Twain
"Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please." - Mark Twain
"Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today." - Mark Twain
"Plans are worthless, but planning is everything." - Dwight D. Eisenhower
"Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are." - Will Ferrell
"I just invent, then wait until man comes around to needing what I´ve invented." - R. Buckminster Fuller
"The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up." - Muriel Siebert
"If you can't write it down in English, you can't code it." - Peter Halpern
"Suspicion is healthy. It’ll keep you alive." - Laurell K. Hamilton
"People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life." - Faith Resnick
"If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t, either." - Dick Cavett
"Sometimes I think we´re alone in the universe & sometimes I think we´re not. In either case the idea is quite staggering" - Arthur C. Clarke
"Talk is cheap, show me the code!" - Linus Torvalds
"They did not know it was impossible, so they did it!" - Mark Twain
"You are what you share." - Charles Leadbeater
"You want it in one line? Does it have to fit in 80 columns?" - Larry Wall
"The Internet? Is that thing still around?" - Homer Simpson
"The journey is the destination." - Dan Eldon
"OO programming offers a sustainable way to write spaghetti code. It lets you accrete programs as a series of patches." - Paul Graham
"Ruby is rubbish! PHP is phpantastic!" - Nikita Popov
"So long and thanks for all the fish!" - Douglas Adams
"If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter." - Cicero
"The best reaction to 'this is confusing, where are the docs' is to rewrite the feature to make it less confusing, not write more docs." - Jeff Atwood
"The older I get, the more I believe that the only way to become a better programmer is by not programming." - Jeff Atwood
"'That hardly ever happens' is another way of saying 'it happens'." - Douglas Crockford
"Hello, PHP, my old friend." - Anna Debenham
"Organizations which design systems are constrained to produce designs which are copies of the communication structures of these organizations." - Melvin Conway
"In design, complexity is toxic." - Melvin Conway
"Good is the enemy of great, but great is the enemy of shipped." - Jeffrey Zeldman
"Don't make the user provide information that the system already knows." - Rick Lemons
"You're bound to be unhappy if you optimize everything." - Donald E. Knuth
"If the programmers like each other, they play a game called 'pair programming'. And if not then the game is called 'peer review'." - Anna Nachesa
"Simplicity is prerequisite for reliability." - Edsger W. Dijkstra
"Focus on WHY instead of WHAT in your code will make you a better developer" - Jordi Boggiano
"The best engineers I know are artists at heart. The best designers I know are secretly technicians as well." - Andrei Herasimchuk
"Poor management can increase software costs more rapidly than any other factor." - Barry Boehm
"If you can't deploy your services independently then they aren't microservices." - Daniel Bryant
"No one hates software more than software developers." - Jeff Atwood
"The proper use of comments is to compensate for our failure to express ourself in code." - Robert C. Martin
"Code is like humor. When you have to explain it, it's bad." - Cory House
"Fix the cause, not the symptom." - Steve Maguire
"Programmers are constantly making things more complicated than they need to be BECAUSE FUTURE. Fuck the future. Program for today." - David Heinemeier Hansson
"People will realize that software is not a product; you use it to build a product." - Linus Torvalds
"Design is choosing how you will fail." - Ron Fein
"Focus is saying no to 1000 good ideas." - Steve Jobs
"Code never lies, comments sometimes do." - Ron Jeffries
"Who needs baking when you can program a cookie?" - Seth Pinto
"Software is like entropy: It is difficult to grasp, weighs nothing, and obeys the Second Law of Thermodynamics; i.e., it always increases." - Norman Augustine
"Software is a gas; it expands to fill its container." - Nathan Myhrvold
"Standards are always out of date.  That’s what makes them standards." - Alan Bennett
"The computer was born to solve problems that did not exist before." - Bill Gates
"Getting information off the Internet is like taking a drink from a fire hydrant." - Mitchell Kapor
"If you think your users are idiots, only idiots will use it." - Linus Torvalds
"From a programmer’s point of view, the user is a peripheral that types when you issue a read request." - P. Williams
"Computers are good at following instructions, but not at reading your mind." - Donald Knuth
"There is only one problem with common sense; it’s not very common." - Milt Bryce
"Your most unhappy customers are your greatest source of learning." - Bill Gates
"Let us change our traditional attitude to the construction of programs: Instead of imagining that our main task is to instruct a computer what to do, let us concentrate rather on explaining to human beings what we want a computer to do." - Donald E. Knuth
"The best way to get accurate information on Usenet is to post something wrong and wait for corrections." - Matthew Austern
"The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident.  That’s where we come in; we’re computer professionals.  We cause accidents." - Nathaniel Borenstein
"Pessimists, we’re told, look at a glass containing 50% air and 50% water and see it as half empty.  Optimists, in contrast, see it as half full.  Engineers, of course, understand the glass is twice as big as it needs to be." - Bob Lewis
"In a room full of top software designers, if two agree on the same thing, that’s a majority." - Bill Curtis
"It should be noted that no ethically-trained software engineer would ever consent to write a DestroyBaghdad procedure.  Basic professional ethics would instead require him to write a DestroyCity procedure, to which Baghdad could be given as a parameter." - Nathaniel S. Borenstein
"Commenting your code is like cleaning your bathroom — you never want to do it, but it really does create a more pleasant experience for you and your guests." - Ryan Campbell
"Low-level programming is good for the programmer’s soul." - John Carmack
"If we wish to count lines of code, we should not regard them as ‘lines produced’ but as ‘lines spent.'" - Edsger Dijkstra
"Before software should be reusable, it should be usable." - Ralph Johnson
"If you automate a mess, you get an automated mess." - Rod Michael
"Looking at code you wrote more than two weeks ago is like looking at code you are seeing for the first time." - Dan Hurvitz
"Less than 10% of the code has to do with the ostensible purpose of the system; the rest deals with input-output, data validation, data structure maintenance, and other housekeeping." - Mary Shaw
"If you have a procedure with ten parameters, you probably missed some." - Alan Perlis
"How rare it is that maintaining someone else’s code is akin to entering a beautifully designed building, which you admire as you walk around and plan how to add a wing or do some redecorating. More often, maintaining someone else’s code is like being thrown headlong into a big pile of slimy, smelly garbage." - Bill Venners
"When you are stuck in a traffic jam with a Porsche, all you do is burn more gas in idle.  Scalability is about building wider roads, not about building faster cars." - Steve Swartz
"Everyone by now presumably knows about the danger of premature optimization.  I think we should be just as worried about premature design — designing too early what a program should do." - Paul Graham
"On two occasions I have been asked, ‘If you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?’  I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question." - Charles Babbage
"If the code and the comments do not match, possibly both are incorrect." - Norm Schryer
"I think it’s a new feature.  Don’t tell anyone it was an accident." - Larry Wall
"If you don’t handle [exceptions], we shut your application down.  That dramatically increases the reliability of the system." - Anders Hejlsberg
"When debugging, novices insert corrective code; experts remove defective code. - Richard Pattis
"Program testing can be a very effective way to show the presence of bugs, but is hopelessly inadequate for showing their absence." - Edsger Dijkstra
"There are only two things wrong with C++:  The initial concept and the implementation." - Bertrand Meyer
"It was a joke, okay?  If we thought it would actually be used, we wouldn’t have written it!" - Mark Andreesen, speaking of the HTML tag BLINK
"It has been discovered that C++ provides a remarkable facility for concealing the trivial details of a program — such as where its bugs are." - David Keppel
"UNIX is simple.  It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity." - Dennis Ritchie
"Some people, when confronted with a problem, think ‘I know, I’ll use regular expressions.’  Now they have two problems." - Jamie Zawinski
"I think computer viruses should count as life.  I think it says something about human nature that the only form of life we have created so far is purely destructive.  We’ve created life in our own image." - Stephen Hawking
"The only truly secure system is one that is powered off, cast in a block of concrete and sealed in a lead-lined room with armed guards." - Gene Spafford
"Passwords are like underwear: you don’t let people see it, you should change it very often, and you shouldn’t share it with strangers." - Chris Pirillo
"In the future, computers may weigh no more than 1.5 tonnes." - Popular mechanics, 1949