diff --git a/.github/workflows/review-desktop-update-smoke.yml b/.github/workflows/review-desktop-update-smoke.yml
deleted file mode 100644
index cf0791e0f..000000000
--- a/.github/workflows/review-desktop-update-smoke.yml
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,58 +0,0 @@
-name: Review Desktop Update Smoke
-
-# Proves a published build updates in place on macOS: each job runs one
-# starting build from a throwaway folder, lets Squirrel install the channel's
-# current release, and checks the bundle kept its folder name. One job per
-# update zip, so both a pre-rename (Review) and a renamed (Whiteboard) install
-# are covered. Runners are separate machines, so their Squirrel state is too.
-
-on:
-  workflow_dispatch:
-    inputs:
-      quality:
-        description: "Channel whose current release the build should update to"
-        type: choice
-        options:
-          - preview
-          - stable
-        default: preview
-      from_version:
-        description: "Published version to start from, e.g. 0.0.34-preview.20260924.59 (must be older than the channel's current release)"
-        required: true
-        type: string
-
-permissions:
-  contents: read
-
-jobs:
-  update:
-    name: ${{ matrix.artifact }} zip → current ${{ inputs.quality }}
-    runs-on: macos-15
-    timeout-minutes: 30
-    strategy:
-      fail-fast: false
-      matrix:
-        artifact: [Review, Whiteboard]
-    steps:
-      - name: Checkout
-        uses: actions/checkout@d23441a48e516b6c34aea4fa41551a30e30af803 # v6
-        with:
-          sparse-checkout: apps/review-desktop/scripts
-      - name: Update in place
-        run: |
-          chmod +x apps/review-desktop/scripts/update-smoke.sh
-          apps/review-desktop/scripts/update-smoke.sh "${{ inputs.quality }}" "${{ inputs.from_version }}" "${{ matrix.artifact }}"
-      - name: Keep the app and installer logs
-        if: always()
-        run: |
-          mkdir -p logs
-          cp "$RUNNER_TEMP"/update-smoke-*/app.stderr logs/ 2>/dev/null || true
-          cp "$HOME"/Library/Caches/dev.fast.review*.ShipIt/ShipIt_stderr.log logs/ 2>/dev/null || true
-          find "$RUNNER_TEMP"/update-smoke-*/state/user-data/logs -name main.log -exec cp {} logs/ \; 2>/dev/null || true
-      - uses: actions/upload-artifact@ea165f8d65b6e75b540449e92b4886f43607fa02 # v4
-        if: always()
-        with:
-          name: update-smoke-${{ inputs.quality }}-${{ matrix.artifact }}
-          path: logs
-          if-no-files-found: ignore
-          retention-days: 3
diff --git a/apps/review-desktop/scripts/update-smoke.sh b/apps/review-desktop/scripts/update-smoke.sh
deleted file mode 100755
index 9065fb46c..000000000
--- a/apps/review-desktop/scripts/update-smoke.sh
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,88 +0,0 @@
-#!/usr/bin/env bash
-# Prove a published build updates in place: run it from a throwaway folder,
-# let Squirrel download and install the channel's current release, then check
-# that the bundle folder kept its name and carries the new version.
-#
-#   update-smoke.sh <stable|preview> <from-version> <Review|Whiteboard>
-#
-# The third argument picks which update zip the starting build came from, so
-# the folder is named like an install that predates or postdates the rename.
-# Squirrel state is keyed by bundle id, so never run this beside a Desktop of
-# the same channel.
-set -euo pipefail
-
-QUALITY="$1"; FROM_VERSION="$2"; ARTIFACT="$3"
-APP_DIR="$(cd "$(dirname "${BASH_SOURCE[0]}")/.." && pwd -P)"
-WORK="${RUNNER_TEMP:-${TMPDIR:-/tmp}}/update-smoke-$ARTIFACT"
-UPDATE_URL="https://update.dev.fast"
-
-FOLDER="$(node "$APP_DIR/scripts/release-channel.mjs" "$QUALITY" | awk -F'\t' -v a="$ARTIFACT" '$2 == a { print $1 }')"
-[[ -n "$FOLDER" ]] || { echo "no $ARTIFACT zip in the $QUALITY channel" >&2; exit 2; }
-case "$QUALITY" in
-  stable) BUNDLE_ID="dev.fast.review" ;;
-  preview) BUNDLE_ID="dev.fast.review.preview" ;;
-esac
-SHIPIT="$HOME/Library/Caches/$BUNDLE_ID.ShipIt"
-FEED="$UPDATE_URL/api/update/darwin-arm64/$QUALITY/0000000000000000000000000000000000000000"
-
-if pgrep -f "/Contents/MacOS/" | xargs -I{} ps -o command= -p {} 2>/dev/null | grep -q "$BUNDLE_ID\|$FOLDER.app"; then
-  echo "a $QUALITY Desktop is already running; Squirrel state is shared by bundle id" >&2
-  exit 1
-fi
-
-rm -rf "$WORK"; mkdir -p "$WORK/app" "$WORK/state/user-data" "$WORK/state/extensions" "$WORK/home"
-ZIP="$ARTIFACT-darwin-arm64-$FROM_VERSION.zip"
-echo "Downloading $ZIP"
-curl -fsSLo "$WORK/$ZIP" "$UPDATE_URL/releases/$FROM_VERSION/darwin-arm64/$ZIP"
-ditto -x -k "$WORK/$ZIP" "$WORK/app"
-APP="$WORK/app/$FOLDER.app"
-[[ -d "$APP" ]] || { echo "$ZIP did not unpack to $FOLDER.app:"; ls "$WORK/app"; exit 1; }
-EXECUTABLE="$(defaults read "$APP/Contents/Info.plist" CFBundleExecutable)"
-BEFORE="$(node -p "require('$APP/Contents/Resources/app/product.json').reviewVersion")"
-
-EXPECTED="$(curl -fsS "$FEED?bundle=$(printf %s "$FOLDER" | sed 's/ /%20/g')" | node -p "JSON.parse(require('fs').readFileSync(0, 'utf8')).productVersion")"
-echo "Starting from $FOLDER.app ($BEFORE); the feed offers $EXPECTED"
-[[ "$BEFORE" != "$EXPECTED" ]] || { echo "nothing to update to; publish a newer $QUALITY build first" >&2; exit 2; }
-
-mkdir -p "$SHIPIT"; touch "$SHIPIT/ShipIt_stderr.log"
-LOG_START="$(wc -l < "$SHIPIT/ShipIt_stderr.log")"
-TARGET_URL="file://$APP/"
-
-DEV_REVIEW_HOME="$WORK/home" DEV_REVIEW_IMPORT_FROM=none ELECTRON_ENABLE_LOGGING=1 \
-  "$APP/Contents/MacOS/$EXECUTABLE" \
-  "--user-data-dir=$WORK/state/user-data" "--extensions-dir=$WORK/state/extensions" \
-  >"$WORK/app.stdout" 2>"$WORK/app.stderr" &
-PID=$!
-
-# Squirrel writes its install request once the download is verified. The
-# first check runs 30 s after launch; the zip is a few hundred megabytes.
-for _ in $(seq 1 90); do
-  if plutil -p "$SHIPIT/ShipItState.plist" 2>/dev/null | grep -qF "$(printf %s "$TARGET_URL" | sed 's/ /%20/g')"; then
-    break
-  fi
-  kill -0 "$PID" 2>/dev/null || { echo "app exited early"; tail -20 "$WORK/app.stderr"; exit 1; }
-  sleep 5
-done
-if ! plutil -p "$SHIPIT/ShipItState.plist" 2>/dev/null | grep -qF "$(printf %s "$TARGET_URL" | sed 's/ /%20/g')"; then
-  echo "Squirrel never staged an update for $APP" >&2
-  grep -h -i "update" "$WORK"/state/user-data/logs/*/main.log 2>/dev/null | tail -30 >&2
-  exit 1
-fi
-echo "Squirrel staged:"; plutil -p "$SHIPIT/ShipItState.plist" | grep -E "BundleURL|useUpdateBundleName" | sed 's/^/  /'
-
-# Squirrel installs when the app exits, however it exits.
-kill -TERM "$PID"; sleep 15; kill -KILL "$PID" 2>/dev/null || true; wait "$PID" 2>/dev/null || true
-for _ in $(seq 1 60); do
-  tail -n +"$((LOG_START + 1))" "$SHIPIT/ShipIt_stderr.log" | grep -q -E "Installation completed|Installation error" && break
-  sleep 2
-done
-echo "ShipIt:"; tail -n +"$((LOG_START + 1))" "$SHIPIT/ShipIt_stderr.log" | grep -E "Beginning|Installation|error" | sed 's/^/  /'
-
-BUNDLES="$(find "$WORK/app" -mindepth 1 -maxdepth 1)"
-echo "On disk:"; echo "$BUNDLES" | sed 's/^/  /'
-[[ -d "$APP" ]] || { echo "FAIL: $FOLDER.app is gone; the install renamed it" >&2; exit 1; }
-[[ "$(echo "$BUNDLES" | wc -l)" -eq 1 ]] || { echo "FAIL: more than one bundle in the folder" >&2; exit 1; }
-AFTER="$(node -p "require('$APP/Contents/Resources/app/product.json').reviewVersion")"
-[[ "$AFTER" == "$EXPECTED" ]] || { echo "FAIL: $FOLDER.app is at $AFTER, expected $EXPECTED" >&2; exit 1; }
-tail -n +"$((LOG_START + 1))" "$SHIPIT/ShipIt_stderr.log" | grep -q "Installation completed successfully" || { echo "FAIL: ShipIt did not report success" >&2; exit 1; }
-echo "PASS: $FOLDER.app went from $BEFORE to $AFTER in place"